When Do I Give Up on That Relationship?

A co-worker gave your boss an unfair report on you. Your spouse left the bath-towel on the kitchen floor for the upteenth time. Your parents are nagging you again because you don’t bring up your children the same way they did.

Where’s the line? Or, we might ask: “How many times should I forgive my brother when he sins against me? 7 times?”

No, Jesus says. “Not 7 times, but 70 times 7.” Notice no response is recorded. That’s because, as Dr. Sinclair Ferguson has said – “Jesus is picking Peter’s jaw up off the ground.”

But what was wrong with Peter’s guess? If someone sins against me 7 times, doesn’t that warrant me to take matters into my own hands? Don’t I deserve to cut off that relationship? Don’t I at least deserve to give the cold shoulder for a while, or ream them out?

The problem with Peter’s answer is this: His forgiveness doesn’t count, because his forgiveness counts. Get it?

If I say “I forgive you for the 7 times over the last year your slandered me,” I’m revealing something about myself: I’m counting. I’m still holding on.

In other words, I’m doing precisely what love doesn’t do in 1 Corinthians 13: “Love does not keep a record of wrongs.”

It’s not that love is more patient toward wrongdoing. It’s that true love forgets, because God forgot for us.

So how many times should we forgive?

The answer is: “Who’s counting?”